Wednesday, December 5, 2007

They're like pigeons…

More fun from our little friends, Ernius and Bertus. You first met them, perhaps, in their conversation about environmental problems. They can also be found in a newer dialogue about "losing faith in Santa Claus". Enjoy the ride. I do.

Ernius: It's still early.

Bertus: So?

Ernius: So I still want to go to the club.

Bertus: Eesh. Keep your social dandruff off me.

Ernius: What? It's just some fun. Have you got a better idea, mon cherif?

Bertus: Sure, pass me my Novocaine. Hopefully it will hit kick in by the time you call me mon cheri. Dull the shock.

Ernius: You have Novocaine? Anyway, man, I just feel like seeing some hot chix. Cuz I know they're gonna be there.

Bertus: Dude, they're always gonna be there. They're like pigeons. They're everywhere and they're all the same.

Ernius: So you don't think I should go?

§ § §

Ernius: Well, if I'm staying home tonight, I'm gonna check out some Russian wives.

Bertus: Oh yeah? I almost bought one of those in college.

Ernius: Really?

Bertus: Yeah, it terrified me. I kept clicking my mouse everywhere and shouting, "Delete! Delete her! Refund her back to Russia!" I thought they charged my account and I didn't know what would happen next. For a few days after that I kept expecting some Russian heavy to thump on my door and break some of my favorite bones.

Ernius: But nothing happened.

Bertus: No. I ended up Russian-bride-free, after all. Hence you have always known me as a Russian-bride-free rogue.

Ernius: I want to check it out, but I mean, is it really reliable?

Bertus: What do you mean?

Ernius: Well, I mean you have to know somebody. Are these girls really any good if they're willing to marry anyone online?

Bertus: They're not willing to marry anyone. That's why they're in that service. It protects them from louses…like yourself, I might add…and protects you from girls who would find a man in some less noble way than a website.

Ernius: But how can you be sure it will be a good relationship? Isn't it a bit phony?

Bertus: Phony? You're a man, she's a woman. Nothing phony in that. As long as you stick to your bedrock priorities––whatever those…might be in your case––and as long as you can communicate, it's a sure thing.

Ernius: But what if she speaks bad English? How can we communicate then?

Bertus: Use your imagination, man. And, never mind what my detractors say, I am not necessarily being lewd and crude. Language is the least important part of communication anyway. Which is why I try to minimize it. Do you mind?

Ernius: You've already read that book. And it's upside down.

Bertus: Foiled again.

Ernius: Look, I'm just trying to say, what if we have nothing in common? I mean different cultures and all that.

Bertus: Nothing in common? She wants out, you want in––there's your common ground.

Ernius: Well, I'll give it a shot.

Bertus: Me too: a long shot.

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