This may be the first of a series, which might get expanded at erratic times in the future… Enjoy! And feel free to add on.
Karl Marx: "Golf is a sport for those unaware of their political position in history."
Adam Smith: "Golf is a sport for those well aware of their economic position in history."
Thomas Malthus: "In so far as the number of golf holes increases in an arithmetic progression, while the number of balls on the green increases in a geometric progression, golfing, left unchecked, inevitably leads to a shortage of whisky at the club while the players wait for the staff to clear the green."
Sigmund Freud: "Balls, holes, drives, handicaps, poking around in the bush––what more do I need to say?"
Ludwig Wittgenstein: "My work may be likened to a golf tee that one must leave behind once one drives the ball of logic beyond the bewitchment of language."
Bertrand Russell: "'He got a hole in one means' that, for some x, where x is 'one golf ball', it is the case that there is a y, where y is 'a hole', which cannot be referred to without referring to x and y in the same location and time. And that is why I am not a Christian!"
Jean-Paul Sartre: "Hell is other players."
David Hume: "It is merely due to the force of habit that we associate in our minds the impressions a swinging club with the flight of a golf ball. 'Tis a claim so far-fetched in notion, and so obscurely founded on empirical records, that golf clubs have the causal power to move balls anywhere outside of Scotland, that it should be committed to the flames."
Thomas Hobbes: "The life of a golfer is solitary, affluent, pallid, impish, and short, golf being green in shoe and glove."
Plato: "The only lasting city is that headed by a Philosopher-Golfer."
Aristotle: "There is an unmoved Driver which is the principle of motion in the sphere of Mobile Golfball."
René Descartes: "I think I golf, therefore I am."
Georg Friedrich Hegel: "The Absolute Spirit manifests itself in a dual motion throughout history, thus giving shape to the Dialectical principles of Mediated Consciousness, namely, from a first Thesis in the highlands of Scotland, voiced as 'Fore!', which, by its own inner, Notional Immanence, generates an Antithesis of Saturated Commodification, and thus returns at a higher, Sublimated level to a Synthesis in which a black American is the king of the green in England."
Immanuel Kant: "The synthetic unity of apperception is a necessary postulate of reason, otherwise how on earth could anyone hit such a small ball so far with such a long club?"