Tuesday, June 29, 2004

Sports nuts

Apparently, a family in Texas has named their son, ESPN, in honor of the sports network. The best part is, the boy is only one of three known children in the USA to have the same name (all of which are pronounced "Espen").

This is the ultimate in vicarious athleticism. At the highest level of sportsmanship, you could be a fine athlete. One level down, you could raise a fine athlete. A level down from that, you could name your kid after a famous athlete. Even farther down is the option of naming your kid after a famous sportscaster, like, Harry Carey, or Marv Albert ("Yes!"). But then, at the bottom of the fan-atic barrel, there is this: naming your kid after a broadcast company that reports what real athletes do.

It reminds me of the joke my roommate, DJ Skull Fog, made when some friends of ours got into a fantasy football league: "Yeah, man, I'm such a loser I can't even handle that; I'm into tracking the people that play fantasy football." On the bright side, at least this kid won't have an inferiority complex. I mean, he's bound to be a better athlete than ESPN by the sheer fact of having legs and a torso.

Of related interest, I read a few years ago about parents -- more than a few couples -- trying to cut deals with major corporations to "contract" their kids as living ads in exchange for an advertising fee. Thankfully, I don't think this couple is pushing that angle. I can hear it now.

"Coca Cola Wilson McCabe, stop hitting your brother this instant!"

"Oh, Pilsbury, you're so ticklish!"

"Raaaaaaid! Come here now!"

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